ABSTRACT“Where's dad?” When this restlessness is implanted into a child's psyche, an atmosphere of “unmet” need settles in. Physical and emotional mistreatment by the father profoundly affects the fetus and mother. There are several factors at play in this situation: infantile experiences, the father's past experiences and his own maltreatment. The physical and emotional absence of the father or their aggressive presence fosters a language of violence and destructiveness, “violence generates violence.”What is the function of this actor in the grand scheme of life? If both parties lit the flame of life, both are responsible for it and both must recognize their functions in relation to their introjected parental objects. An infant, who is well nurtured in an established atmosphere where the prenatal functions/needs are positively met, will grow and mature with a sense of security and trust crucial for the development of his/her unique potential, physical growth, and intellectual achievement; furthermore this scenario will result in an independent, optimistic and benevolent nuclear family. The child's insertion in the community will be also free of suspicions and encourage its development. The community will have a function of patronage in relation to its members. This must serve as “good enough mothering” for its members.Three clinical case studies of absent fathers will illustrate the dramatic situation of abandoned mothers and children. Copyright © 2012 John Wiley & Sons, Ltd.