Philosophical inquiry has historically been driven by the persistent search for entities, substances, or underlying essences—repeatedly asking what "something" is. This paper argues that such questions are conditioned by language itself, as the grammatical structure of natural language reifies processes into objects and forces thought through a subject-predicate framework. Utilizing the Theory of Axiomatic Necessity (TNA), we reformulate this boundary condition as an instance of the Failure of Local Closure. We demonstrate via a diagonal argument that a purely operational syntax ($N_0$) of relations without relata is structurally impossible, generating either infinite regress or algorithmic entropy. Consequently, the postulation of a "something" ($N_1$) is revealed not as an ontological discovery about reality, but as a metamathematical necessity of the linguistic apparatus required to halt regress and achieve interpretive closure through the structural collapse operator ($\Psi$)