Although the intraoperative, molecular differential diagnosis of the approximately one hundred different brain tumor entities described to date has been a goal of neuropathology in the last decade, this has not yet been achieved in a clinically relevant time frame of less than one hour after biopsy collection. Recent advances in third-generation sequencing technologies have brought this once-elusive goal within reach. However, established machine learning techniques rely on concepts and methods, impractical for live diagnostic workflows in clinical applications. Here, we present MethyLYZR, a Naïve Bayesian framework enabling fully tractable live classification of cancer epigenomes. MethyLYZR can be run in parallel with an ongoing Nanopore experiment with negligible computational cost and provides clinically relevant and accurate cancer classification results within 15 minutes of sequencing. Therefore, only the time required for DNA extraction and the Nanopore sequencer's maximum parallel throughput remain limiting factors for even faster time-to-results. We demonstrate the potential utility of the MethyLYZR framework not only for the neurosurgical intraoperative use case but also for other oncologic indications and cell-free DNA from liquid biopsies. This dataset provides methylation data from ONT and PacBio sequencing in feather file format.