Several occupational distributions for satellite galaxies more massive than ms~4E7 Msun around MW-sized hosts are presented and used to predict their internal dynamics. For this, a galaxy group mock catalog is constructed on the basis of (sub)halo-to-stellar mass relations constrained with the observed Galaxy Stellar Mass Function decomposed into centrals and satellites, and the 2-point correlation functions. For the MW-sized hosts we find that: 6.6% have 2 satellites in the SMC-LMC mass range; their probabilities to have 1, 2 or 3 satellites equal or larger than the LMC, the SMC or Sgr, respectively, are 0. 26, 0. 14, and 0. 14; those hosts with 3 satellites >= Sgr (as the MW) are among the most common cases, though the most and 2nd most massive satellites in these systems are SMALLER than the LMC and SMC by 0.7 and 0.8 dex, respectively. The cumulative satellite mass function is quite broad, the particular configuration of the MW being of low frequency but NOT an outlier (it is within the upper 1sig yet). For the MW satellite configuration, we constrain the halo mass to be Mh>1.4E12 Msun (1sig level). We find that the abundance of massive subhalos should agree with the abundance of massive satellites in all MW-sized hosts (there is not a massive satellite missing problem for LCDM). However, the vmax of the subhalos of satellites with ms<1E8 Msun is systematically larger than the vmax inferred from current observational studies of the MW bright dwarfs; at difference of previous works, this conclusion is based on an analysis of the overall population of MW-sized galaxies. Some pieces of evidence suggest that the issue could refer only to satellite dwarfs but not to central dwarfs; then, environmental processes associated to dwarfs inside host halos combined with SN-driven core expansion could be at the basis of the lowering of vmax.[Abridged]

10 pages, 6 figures. Accepted for publication in ApJ. arXiv abstract improved