... it was horrible - a difficult, painful and agonizing process. ... Nothing I tried made it anything but torture. Finally, my son got a mouthful of blood, and I gave up. I felt like a failure. It added to my depression, made me question my ability to mother, and caused my infant to lose too much weight. (The American Dietetic Association's) position paper has no loopholes for us 'failures', no compassion for those of us too poor to rent an electric pump ... Could you please let us off the hook? (Saban, 2002, p. 24) I can't say what a devastating experience failing to breastfeed Bianca was for me. I was left feeling like I'd failed her as a mother, and even as a woman. I found it difficult to talk about, and was loath to bottle feed Bianca in public.