ABSTRACT This paper argues that the dominant language used by the domestic violence movement to conceptualize relationship violence inadequately captures the psychological complexities involved in abusive lesbian relationships. As a corrective, a language based on feminist and psychoanalytic concepts is presented. Against the backdrop of this language, the author reflects on the lived experience of lesbian clients who have come to therapy for relationship violence. It is concluded that a language based on the ethos of postmodern feminism and neo-Kleinian concepts and technique more appropriately addresses the complexities involved in abusive lesbian relationships within a therapeutic context than the polemical language of the domestic violence movement.