The reduction of magnetic forces on electromagnetic coils is an important consideration in the design of high-field devices such as the stellarator or tokamak. Unfortunately, these forces may be too time-consuming to evaluate by conventional finite element modeling within an optimization loop. Although mutual forces can be computed rapidly by approximating large-bore coils as infinitely thin, this approximation does not hold for self-forces as it leads to an unphysical divergence. Recently, a novel reduced model for the self-field, self-force, and self-inductance of electromagnetic coils based on filamentary models was rigorously derived and demonstrated to be highly accurate and numerically efficient to evaluate. In this paper, we present an implementation of the reduced self-force model employing automatic differentiation within the SIMSOPT stellarator design software and use it in derivative-based coil optimization for a quasi-axisymmetric stellarator. We show that it is possible to significantly reduce point-wise forces throughout the coils, though this comes with trade-offs to fast particle losses and the minimum distance between coils and the plasma surface. The trade-off between magnetic forces and coil-surface distance is mediated by the minimum coil-coil distance for coils near the inboard side of the "bean" cross-section of the plasma. The relationship between forces and fast particle losses is mediated by the normal field error. Coil forces can be lowered to a threshold with minimal deterioration to losses. Importantly, the magnet optimization approach here can be used also for tokamaks, other fusion concepts, and applications outside of fusion.