The strange, abject allure of slime mold creeps across fields, sporulating into science fiction, artistic practice, computing, and beyond. Captured by Western logics, slime mold’s pathway-finding ability has been mathematized into the Slime Mold Algorithm (SMA), a tool used in solving optimization problems. In exhuming and querying (or queerying) the systems of individualization and optimization that shape Western scientific experiments with slime mold, I ask: What alternative futures become thinkable when attention shifts from the profitable and problem-solving characteristics of slime mold, to its more queer and problem-making characteristics? If thinking-algorithmically is a form of problem decomposition, then what changes when the algorithm itself is subject to decomposition? When the algorithm becomes a counter-algorithm, when its design is centered around problem-making and not problem-solving? Taking the form of a playbook, this thesis engages a critical and diffractive reading of “apparatus” (Karen Barad, Michel Foucault) and “assemblage” (Gilles Deleuze and Felix Guattari, Anna Lowenhaupt Tsing, and N. Katherine Hayles), that I further complicate by turning to Indigenous paraconsistent logics (Rebekah Sinclair). The playbook attempts to recover some of what is lost in the SMA’s algorithmic translation of the nonhuman organism, attending to slime mold’s murkier, more troubling and often overlooked qualities, proposing a speculative and queer reconfiguration of the SMA.