Frictional failure is not possible at depth in Earth, hence earthquakes deeper than 30–50 km cannot initiate by overcoming dry friction. Moreover, the frequency distribution of earthquakes with depth is bimodal, suggesting another change of mechanism at about 350 km. Here I suggest that the change at 30–50 km is from overcoming dry friction to reduction of effective stress by dehydration embrittlement and that the change at 350 km is due to desiccation of slabs and initiation by phase-transformation-induced faulting. High-speed friction experiments at low pressure indicate that exceeding dry friction provokes shear heating that leads to endothermic reactions and pronounced weakening. Higher-pressure studies show nanocrystalline gouge accompanying dehydration and the highest pressure experiments initiate by exothermic polymorphic phase transformation. Here I discuss the characteristic nanostructures of experiments on high-speed friction and high-pressure faulting and show that all simulated earthquake systems yield very weak transformation-induced lubrication, most commonly nanometric gouge or melt. I also show that phase-transformation-induced faulting of olivine to spinel can propagate into material previously transformed to spinel, apparently by triggering melting analogous to high-speed friction studies at low pressure. These experiments taken as a whole suggest that earthquakes at all depths slide at low frictional resistance by a self-healing pulse mechanism with rapid strength recovery. This article is part of the themed issue ‘Faulting, friction and weakening: from slow to fast motion’.