AbstractI was a second‐year neonatal‐perinatal fellow in a meeting between other members of the neonatal intensive care team and parents who had just received devastating news about their planned‐for and highly desired baby, born after what had been an uncomplicated pregnancy. At home, a little sister was waiting to meet her new brother. These conversations are never easy, but this one I found particularly disturbing. John had been born at term via emergency cesarean section after his mother, Muriel, had come for a routine obstetrical visit and reported decreased fetal movement. The obstetrician had detected a very slow fetal heart rate and sent Muriel to the hospital for emergent delivery. John was born floppy, with no respiratory effort. He was resuscitated, but a heart rate was not detected until fifteen minutes after birth. Not until several months later did I discover what had troubled me so much in this family meeting.