Abstract Background Studies investigating notions of a ‘good death’ tend to focus on specific medical conditions and specific groups of people. Therefore, their results are often poorly comparable, making it difficult to anticipate potential points of conflict in practice. Consequently, the study explores how to achieve a good death from the perspective and experience of physicians, nursing staff, and seniors. The aim of this study is to identify comparable notions of a good death among the participants and to determine factors that may promote or prevent a good death, including those that may lead to futile care. Methods The study used a qualitative design with a total of 16 focus group discussions, 5 each with physicians and nursing staff, and 6 with seniors at least 75 years old. The group size ranged between 3 and 9 participants. Analysis was carried out using Qualitative Content Analysis. Results Three major aspects affect the quality of death: (1) good communication and successful cooperation, (2) avoidance of death, and (3) acceptance of death. While successful communication and acceptance of death reinforce each other, successful communication counters avoidance of death and vice versa. Acceptance and avoidance of death are in constant tension. Additionally, the role of family and loved ones has been shown to be crucial in the organization of dying (e.g. communicating the patient’s wishes to health care professionals). Conclusions Communication and cooperation between patients and all involved caretakers determines quality of death. However, communication depends on several individual and organizational factors such as the personal level of acceptance or avoidance of death and the availability of institutionalized communication channels crossing professional and organizational boundaries. Furthermore, treatment cultures and organizational structures in hospitals and nursing homes often default towards life prolongation. This carries significant potential for problems, particularly because physicians emphasized the need to prevent hospital admissions when no further life-sustaining treatment is desired. In contrast, nurses and seniors were less aware that hospitals may not be the most suitable place for end-of-life care. This, along with the ambivalent role of nursing homes as places of death, holds potential for conflict. Trial registration German Clinical Trials Register: DRKS00027076, 05/11/2021.